Everything is quiet and still now as night has descended upon the city. The noise and traffic of the big city have quietened and it’s inhabitants have settled in for the night in preparation for the rush of the morning. As I sit here I can hear the splash of the fountain in the swimming pool and see the lights reflected in the water. It beckons me from my window to come and dangle my feet and feel the cool water.
I sit here in the stillness, thinking about the change that is coming but also reminiscing about the past and thinking about how good God has been to me all my life and especially the last seven years.
For a few years, I was lost and running thinking I could do things my own way. I was dealing with the rubble of a 20-year marriage that completely dissolved into ashes. My kids and I were coming out of an abusive situation and the military life I had known for 20 years disappeared along with everything else. I felt alone, lost, confused and probably angry with God, people, and the church. I divorced and remarried in 2003 but my actions and the abused we suffered caused a rift between me and my children. It would be six years later before the healing process could begin.
In 2003, we moved to Colorado. I thought that my kids didn’t need me. The further away I could run, the better it would be. I lived back and forth between Colorado and Louisiana for six years. Then in 2009, I got a job at the VA Hospital and moved to Grand Junction, Colorado. I started that job in Jan of 2009. That same year, my daughter planned a trip to see me around October. This would be the first time we had seen each other in six years. That meeting would be the beginning of the healing between us. They returned home and circumstances presented themselves that caused them to move to Arizona a few months later. With that move, my daughter beckoned me to follow her. In 2011 I got a job at the VA Hospital in Tucson, Arizona and eventually moved to Phoenix in 2013 where she was living.
Today is my last work day at the VA in Phoenix. I have been here for five years. God saw fit to place me in a Psychology department to help with the healing between the both of us but especially for me. God not only used this to help with healing but he also used it to help me grow in my work and become the professional person I needed to be. God placed my lovely boss, friend, and mentor that helped me realize the person I could become and helped with my healing. She retired in February and God opened the door for me to go to work for the Department of Defense in Cheyenne, Wyoming.
As I look back at my life, I can see God working in every area even when I wasn’t paying attention to Him. I think it’s probably been quite like trying to lead a mule. There is a song I’ve been listening to lately called New Wine. This is me. One of the lines in the song says “I lay down my old flames, to carry your new fire today.”
Today I am laying down my old flames and moving forward to new ground.