Sometimes I have one of those days where my emotions feel like they’re running amuck! This is how I felt a few weeks ago. I am 53 years old but I felt like a teenager with my emotions all over the place. It took me a little bit to figure out why I was feeling that way but it finally dawned on me.
Thursday, May 4th was the National Day of Prayer. I work at the VA hospital so we have a chapel as do most hospitals. During certain times of the year, the chapel has a service for specific events. During Easter, it will be Lent services and during Christmas, there will be Advent services. Occasionally we have memorial services for employees or veterans who have passed away. So, since it was the National Day of Prayer the chaplains provided a prayer service for people to attend and I went. This was the first time I had gone to a service at a chapel in 13 years. I had no idea that this little 15-20 minute service was going to cause a flood of emotions.
As I was sitting in the service, all of those memories of past started to surface. I work in the Psychology department and learned that these moments are called triggers. I had no idea that going to the little chapel was going to cause such a rush of emotions. When we were stationed overseas, we sometimes attended the chapel services on a post. Suddenly, while sitting in that service, my mind went back to all the chapel services we had attended in my past life. I remembered the little chapel we attend while stationed in Italy and the chapel in Wiesbaden, Germany and all the friends I had made during that time. In my mind, I could see each of those chapels just like I was looking at a picture.
All that emotion bubbled up to the surface. I wasn’t sad for the loss of the ex-husband but I was sad for the loss of that life. I was sad for all the little chapels I will never attend again and sad for all the people I will likely never see again on this earth. I loved being part of a military family and being an Army wife. I have also discovered that it’s okay that I can love parts of that life without loving all of that life.
This is one of my favorite songs because it reminds me of home, but it also reminds me of the past roads I’ve traveled! My way has been rough and steep but I walked out into the beautiful fields that God provided for me and I am free.