Redemption and Winning

chess

God has a way of moving you around to position you in the place that you need to be to win.  It is like moving pieces on a chess board.  Sometimes the game can take a long time until you are in the winning position.

A few months ago, I had the privilege of spending 3 days in the mountains of Prescott, AZ with a lovely group of women from my church.  (Yes, all of Arizona is NOT desert.)  It was an amazing time and God did some wonderful things for the women and especially for me.

My chess game with God has been really slow.  That’s not his fault.  It is mine.  For the last 12 years, God has been trying to move me into that winning position but I kept leaving the game.   God kept trying to put me in check mate but  I jumped up and ran away.

I didn’t want to be in the spot.  I didn’t deserve to win and I was afraid.

God has been working in my heart to heal the hurt that was caused by another.  It was a very deep, hard hurt.  Anyone that has been in a abusive relationship can relate.  The person that I loved the most, didn’t love me at all.  Because of what he did to me and my kids, this caused some really deep scars for me.  I have felt like a failure as a mother.   Every time I would go to church, I felt like everyone was judging me for not being a better mother.   Let’s face it.  That’s what church people tend to do is judge.   So I closed that part of my heart off.  I didn’t want to hurt anymore.  I felt abandoned by God and by the church so I abandoned my faith.

About 5 years ago, in this chess game with God, he moved me to the desert of Arizona.  Circumstances presented themselves that my daughter and her family had moved to Phoenix a couple of years earlier and she made the suggestion to move to Arizona also.   Her and I still had some issue to work out and I was glad she asked me to move closer.  It was all part of the game.

Fast forward to Mother’s Day.  My daughter spoke in church.  She gave the message for Mother’s Day.  Before she spoke, she made the statement  from the platform that God had redeemed our family.

Redeemed.  The dictionary defines redeemed  as to restore honor, worth, and reputation.    I felt like my reputation and worth as a mother had been destroyed.  Most people would look at me and say how could you not know what’s happening?  Weren’t you paying attention?  I was paying attention but in an abusive relationship the person being abused can’t see the situation.  You have been conditioned to only see what the abuser is showing you.  It’s just a messed up situation.

So God in his infinite wisdom, he moved me in the winning position.  He organized my life to move me to Arizona and to a church  that is all about healing people coming out of a religious background.  When the things and people you have known all your  life turn out to be on the wrong side of the pew.  This church was a hospital for me and for the last 3 years, God has been working on restoration.  First with my daughter, and then with my relationship with him.  It hasn’t been easy and it’s hurt but God has always been there with the band aid.

Checkmate!

 

 

 

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About gypsygurl64

Just me and my thoughts.
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