I had an interesting experience the other day. I walked in a place where no one said anything to me. This was a place where people should have greeted me. I have been around these people for a few years now so they should know me. It was very awkward. I felt like I was insignificant. The only other time I really felt insignificant was when I was married before. He actually told me I was an insignificant bug.
I have felt like that quite a bit in this journey back to God. In between who I used to be and who I am now. It is difficult to be in between something. If you are in the middle seat on an airplane next to two other people you don’t know, it can be very uncomfortable. You sit there all squished up. One person has the arm rest on your right and the other person has the arm rest on the left and both people are sleeping. So you are stuck in between trying to make yourself as squished up as possible. Being in the middle makes everything twice as hard. It’s twice as hard to eat your meal or drink you soda because you have to have T-Rex arms so you don’t invade the people’s space sitting next to you. Never mind the fact that they have no issue with invading what little space you might have.
The person I was married to previously was a minister. Not only a preacher but his family has a few famous people that if I said their names, you would know them. Plus, he was an officer in the Army. People knew who I was when I walked in a room. People wanted to be my friend. People called and asked me for advice on things. I planned and organized events where important people would attend. Everyone in church knew who I was.
I think Jesus was an in-between. He was in this world but not off this world. I think Jesus felt that middle when He prayed in the garden to let this cup pass from me. He was about to be crucified and knew the pain he was about to endure. I believe he loved his people so much, he didn’t want to leave them. He was in between doing what He knew God had sent him to earth for, and not having to do it. The other int part of this story is that in the middle of this tremendous burden that Jesus was carrying, his disciples deserted him. Peter pretended to not even know him.
Now, in my in between space, I just have a normal life and I don’t know what to do with that. Since I’m not in an important place anymore, people are less likely to seek me out. It is as if you are invisible.