It is interesting how fragile our human emotions are. Someone we don’t even know can criticize something and it wounds deeply. This wound is at the core of who we are. This is our soul. We can be wounded so deeply in our soul that some never survive that wound.
The soul. It is the seat of all our emotions. It is where we feel everything. One definition for the word soul is the essential part or fundamental nature of anything. The essential part of a person. Our soul is an essential part of who we are.
I have been wounded! I have been wounded to the depths of my soul. I think this wound is how my love affair with food began.
I was married to someone that I wasn’t perfect for. From the first days of our marriage to the last, I never met the goal of perfection he prepared for me. The wounds to my soul started early. It’s like starting with a potato peeler and scraping off the peelings a little bit at a time until the whole potato is clean. Then taking a knife and cutting out the pieces of peel left that the potato peeler didn’t get and then slicing the potato for french fries. That’s how wounded my soul has been.
I was never skinny enough for him. It was a constant, daily barrage of soul stripping comments like I’m not going to be married to a fat wife. I don’t want you. You aren’t worthy enough because you’re just a mother. You would be better if you had a degree. All you want is the house with the white picket fence.
So I tried everything to make him love me. I was the “proper” Army wife. I cleaned my house until it sparkled. I cooked for him and made sure his uniforms were cleaned and ironed. I even learned how to spit shine his combat boots. But it was in vain. I still couldn’t reach that unattainable goal he had set for me. I couldn’t make him love me. So because of this deep empty hole in my soul I looked for something to fill that blackness. I turned to food. It was the one thing I had control over. It was my constant companion. It satisfied that piece of my heart that was missing.
Even now as I type those words ” I don’t want you” it still hurts. Someone that I loved so deeply didn’t want me. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
God is the restorer of my soul. That was my devotional for this morning. God is the restorer of my soul because he’s the lover of my soul. He can mend the past, present and the future! Psalms 23:3 says He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for HIS name sake. I like the explanation of restore as to renovate. God can renovate my soul. He can come in and clean up all the broken pieces and build it new again.
He can tear down those shabby walls of protection I have erected and create new rooms in my heart. Doesn’t mean that it’s easy. Sometimes when a house is being renovated the entire wall has to be gutted down to the 2×4’s and then rebuilt. God can do that! He can take my soul down to the 2×4’s and then rebuild it into something that strong and lasting. God is like that!
*Make a decision today to bury anything that has pulled you down, held you back, kept you in despair, limited you, deceived you, or made you vulnerable. Throw it into the coffin. Lower it into the ground. Declare it finished in your life!
*From the Holy Bible, Woman Thou Art Loosed Edition. Copyright 1998 by Thomas Nelson Inc. Used by permission.